MATHETΩN

… Only let me not give up my life irrationally, only let me not give up my life faintheartedly, or from some casual pretext. For again, God does not so desire; for he has need of a good universe and of good men to go to and fro upon earth. …

What then? Must I explain these things to the multitude? When the children come up to us and say ‘Happy Saturnalia!’ do we say to them, ‘No, all this is not good’? Not at all; but we cheer too. And so you, therefore, when you are unable to make a man change his belief, realize that he is a child and cheer with him or hold your peace.

All these things a man ought to remember, and then, when he is summoned to meet some difficulty, he ought to know that the time has come to show whether he has learned. Wrestling students act displeased with the youths of light weight: ‘He cannot lift me,’ says one — ‘bring me a sturdy young man.’ But when the crisis comes, sometimes they weep and say, ‘I wanted to keep practicing!’ Why, what did you practice for! Now, I like to think that someone among you reading this is in travail within his soul, saying, ‘Alas that such a difficulty does not come to me now as came to such-and-such good man! Alas that now I must be sitting in a corner!’ You ought all to be thus minded.

If one should take away from a good tragic actor his paraphernalia, is he lost or does he abide? And so it is in actual life. God may say, ‘Take the governership’: I take it and show how a man educated in the good comports himself. ‘Lay aside the robe of state and put rags on’: What then? Has it not been given to me to mount the stage now as a witness summoned by God?

What kind of witness do you bear for God? ‘But, O Lord, I am in sore straits and in misfortune; no one regards me, no one gives me anything, all blame me and speak ill of me.’ Is this the witness that you are going to bear, and disgrace the summons so important?

Or what if the priest declares, ‘He is impious’ — what has happened? ‘I have been pronounced impious.’ Nothing else? ‘No nothing.’ And if he had made a declaration: ‘When it is day, then it is dark,’ or: ‘The circumference of a circle is not equidistant from its center’ — would the educated man pay attention? So why when he passes judgment on what is holy and unholy, just and unjust?

How great is the injustice committed by us if we do so! Leave to others quibbles, grumbling about the good. For what is lacking now is a man to bear witness to these arguments by his acts. This is the character I would have you assume, so that we may no longer use old examples of good men in the schools but may have some examples from our own time!

An excerpt from the online journal of George Sodini, recent mass murderer / suicide:

“I took off today and tomorrow to practice my routine and make sure it is well-polished. I need to work out every detail … I need to be completely immersed … . … Last time I tried this, in January, I chickened out. Let’s see how this new approach works.

“Maybe soon I will see God and Jesus. … Eternal life does not depend on works—if it did, we would all be in hell. Christ paid for every sin—so how can I or you be judged by God for a sin when the penalty was already paid? People judge, but that does not matter. I have been reading the Bible and The Integrity of God, beginning yesterday, because soon I will see Them.

“I will try not to add any more [journal] entries because this computer clicking distracts me.”

God damn Christianity.

An archived news-report I’ve found offers the conversation that follows (in part) between its newsman and an early Mathetes.

Mathetes: It’s very simple. The first thing our pair does upon entering a neighborhood is tell the truth. They do this in part by penetrating wherever the most people meet: in a religious neighborhood, the churches, in an irreligious one, the community centers or even movie-theaters.

Reporter: And this has gotten you arrested time-and-again. At first, for a few hours; then, when new trespassing laws were passed — largely to make of your people an example, you allege — for months or years.

M: Indeed — and we are very glad. Almost half the population lives in prisons, now, and there is no meaningful way to reach them otherwise.

R: And so your jailed Mathetes will “tell the truth” there too?

M: She will.

R: – and be beaten or killed for his activities, if reports can be believed.

M: Yes. I call the shiv the Mathetai’s great hope in this world nowadays.

R: And that is my next question. The Mathetai have been — you must be aware that the Mathetai have been called by certain experts a “suicide cult”.

M: That would be true, friend, only if a Mathetes could die.

“For my lands I care not; it is my will that they be sold on behalf of the poor. But who shall have my effects?”

“To presume one’s life should interest others after one’s departure is as much an act of ego as is to live.”

“Well said. I shall give orders to my servants.” He snaps twice. A tall dark slave approaches, to whom he murmurs instructions. “And see ye that my papers are burnt, every one.” The slave hurries off.

“Brother –”

“To form last words is also an act of ego.”

He nods, and looks intently into the distance for about a minute.

He falls on his sword.

I am almost too astounded and moved to write this: Tonight I clicked a Group linked to my Network page and have been looking at photos posted to it — the photos are of loved ones who died by suicide — and nearly every subject has — eyes that resemble every other subject’s — they have the same eyes! So much so that — if a photo is of several people, I can quickly see who is the one it is a tribute to — before ever looking at the caption. Ah.

Don’t think I write this detachedly — I am moved to tears — I report what I have seen with reverence.

And I report two truths their eyes have taught me tonight, truths as sure as Bible: That few people — perhaps no people — kill themselves — no, these are killed. And that most these people killed this way are not worse souls — but better, beautifuller souls than most of us.

God holds them.

Run away.